My HG story: Amrita Badoura
For 271 days, I have suffered. Most of the days felt as if the end was near for me - I say this with absolutely no exaggeration whatsoever. Other days I thought I was going to lose you first.
My bodyweight dropped close to 10kgs and barely put anything back on come end-game but, I persevered. You sucked all my nutrients so there was barely any left for me. They said I had hyperemesis gravidarum, all I knew of it was Princess Kate had it for all 3 pregnancies.
Termination was discussed because my body was not my own anymore to the point that basic ADLs (activities of daily living) like a shower had to be done with assistance as I could not stand unassisted for longer periods without feeling my world spin beneath my feet. Early in the pregnancy, we rushed to emergency because I woke up to my bed completely saturated of fluid I couldn't decipher as it was odourless and colourless. I woke up your father and we went to ED because I was convinced I was losing you or that something was wrong. But, no the doctors said due to HG I either had a momentary loss of my bladder's muscle tone overnight and it emptied without my knowledge or I had a collection of fluid near you that decided to make its way out because my body was making space for you. You were still in your bubble and plodding along healthy. Geez, what a scare. Already early on I could see that compared to any stomach or gut issues I endured all through my childhood & 20s, this was a whole other ballgame.
For 182 days I couldn't sit in a car as a passenger or drive myself anywhere be it 800m down the road or drive 30km to work without vomiting like a Merlion. All our cars had to be stocked with emesis bags - Just. In. Case. I had several near-miss accidents on the way to work vomiting or dry retching and back that I had to stop working altogether because I couldn't guarantee our safe arrival. But, I continued to persevere because I wanted to see you and I badly wanted to see you through your Dad's eyes. I saw my friends around me who were happily enjoying their journey and I asked God "Why am I suffering?"
I was on very minimal food intake but, I pushed fluids into myself (HARD) because I didn't want to end up in Emergency again with something else. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone further than I felt I had already. Still, I persevered.
From all the vomiting, I actually eroded and broke a tooth (which I initially thought was just a filling that came out) and this was fixed and advice was given on how to carry forth vomiting and maintaining dental health. Still, I persevered. I was on so many medications particularly for Hyperemesis that I was on a rolling automatic script of the same drug cocktail every OB visit that I got to know my local pharmacist by first name!
Half the time I was worried I'd see you come out with an extra or less of something because of the drugs I had to take. But, all was forgotten with each visit hearing your heartbeat and seeing you continue to grow as we prayed you would - I persevered.
I stayed in the four walls of our master bedroom and took every precaution and medication I had to so that I could see you. So that WE could see you. I lived 271 days in silence about you because I didn't want to be pitied or judged if I lost you. All I wanted was to see 10 fingers and toes. I had family members and friends who thought it was their right to gossip about me because of my anxiety caused by the silence about you. Making this whole tumultuous journey about *THEM* because they were not included in the know...and could not sympathize and understand our choices had nothing to do with them and everything to do with my mental health dealing with all that was happening to us.... I continued to persevere...
And then on a beautiful sunny afternoon, I took my last vomit of 271 days and I evicted you 1.5hours later.....and ALL the suffering was all forgotten. My body snapped back to the Amrita before the gruelling 271 days within hours of your eviction that I almost didn't recognise it, like a long lost friend. I could eat (and I did), I could sit in a car, I could brush my teeth without gagging, I could eat sugary items, I could eat meat, the vomiting stopped, I could do it all and be your number 1. I conquered all to bring you into this world and it's a battle I did more to win than Jon Snow.
You have taught me that I am tougher than I thought and that I can do it all - manage the household, be back at work, be a wife, be a good friend and still be your caregiver because after 39 wks and 5 days of hell. Being your Mother has been a breeze but, none of it could have happened with ease without you, Ahmad, my husband, my lover and my bloody best mate for life ....you...are just SO f****** amazing. I don't know what I did to be blessed with someone as hands-on and supportive as you but, dammit I'm glad I did it. I have to thank my Mother in Law for raising a saint of a man who has made my 271 days of hell and motherhood just that much easier to go through. No freaking card or soppy words I type on social media 🤮 can convey my sincere gratitude. Thank you for choosing me as your wife and being my Arya Stark to conquer our Night King - I love you.
On my first Mother's Day this year, I commemorated my suffering of 271 days by photographing my little fighter with 1/4 of medications I had to take to function at barely 50%.
I love you kid, your bright eyes, gummy smile and nonsensical chatter has made the battle worth charging into. Thank YOU for persevering to make me a Mother.
Oh, and P.S. Being an Asian Mom, this automatically comes with guilting your children 🤣 I will use the "No, you have to ..... because, Mommy had to vomit for 9months to bring you into the world..." for as long as you breathe. Sorry, not sorry.